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A shooter died and went up there
Where everything is fine.
An angel appeared and said to him,
"You’re a little bit behind.
We expected you before today
But your name I could not find."
"Here, take this gun, it’s just for you.
It hasn’t long been made.
You see your name upon the side,
Beautifully engraved ."
He took the gun, the balance right;
The feeling simply fine.
He turned to thank the angel,
Who said "You’re a little bit behind."
"Can I go and try it out,
And see what I can kill?"
"Yes", the angel said. "You can;
Try over by the hill."
"I might be gone some time" he said.
"I will look in every bush."
"That’s alright" the angel said;
"Up here there’s little rush."
He had gone for what seemed days,
The gun it carried so light.
Then he saw the angel
Who asked "Is everything all right?"
"Oh, the view is smashing;
The landscape simply fine.
But although I looked in every bush,
Not one bird could I find."
"Come, my friend, the Lord awaits
Your judgement day, go through."
"Mmmm, I wonder what he looks like;
I’ll tell him a thing or two."
"Just leave the gun", the angel said;
"Stand it by the door.
In fact I can tell you now, my son,
You won’t need it anymore."
The Lord, he said, "Sit down, my son;
Sit in the golden chair.
Although this is your judgement day,
You will find me very fair."
He then said to the angel,
"Get me the big black book;
I will see what I can do for you,
But somehow, I think you’re hooked."
"Look here, Lord." The shooter said
"In religion, I don’t believe.
And if it’s all the same to you, Lord,
I would rather like to leave."
"Don’t you like our permanent sunshine?
Don’t you like our permanent green?
Just look at the landscape,
Is it not the finest you have seen?"
"I admit it’s very nice, Lord.
And I’ve had a walk around.
But it’s no good having sunshine, mate,
When not one bird can be found."
"You can’t keep me here, Lord.
I want to go back home.
I know what rights I’m entitled to,
And I would like to use your phone."
The Lord, he said, "I have the book,
And the charges read like pain.
But if you think I’ve read them wrong,
I will read them out again."
The shooter knew that it was right;
All those rules that he had broken.
Seldom had he been to church;
Little gospel he had spoken.
The angel said, "Lord, check charge five
Where he really had his thrill.
When he went out with dog and gun,
Everything he did kill."
The Lord he said, "When you had your gun
You did not stop to think.
You shot the very last bird on earth.
Now every bird is extinct."
The angel said, "Animals were next,
It states so in charge nine.
You should have been here long ago,
You’re a little bit behind."
The Lord he said, "I’ve given much thought
And you may think this very unpleasant,
But I’m going to send you back to earth,
And you’re going to be:-- A PHEASANT!" |