Being Helpful After a Death - contd.

Spirit (Ling): Greetings.

We would like to finish our discussion of last week.

It was mentioned that on the death of a partner, a close relative, friend, whoever, that the residence be changed. Now this would only apply to fairly young people. It is the same as with a break up of a marriage, it is better to make a fresh start.

But this does not apply to partners of a very long standing, unless perhaps after a year or eighteen months, for there are so many memories involved in a home, particularly once more if it is of long standing.

So if you are visiting someone who has lost his wife we will say, only a short time after the funeral, and he says, “I’ll have to get out of this place”, without pushing yourself in any way, because this is so essential at this time, suggest that it may be an idea to take his time, and point out that there are so many memories, and if they are happy ones, say, “So many happy memories”, and perhaps go on to say, “Do you remember… so and so, and so and so…” and it may lighten the moment a little for him. If people can look around their homes, their garden, and remember the good times, after a while they will accept those memories, and enjoy living them again in the same home.

You must judge for yourselves when you are dealing with various people, but only make kindly suggestions. Don’t say, “Mr. Smith, he did that”, or “Mrs Jones did that’, and expect everyone to be the same; they must make their own decisions. You can merely put a little idea into them.

Now another thing you people do is send cards at the time of a bereavement. Some of them have very lovely words in them, but it is the little personal bit that you put in, that can mean so much. If it has lovely words and you accept them and think that they are really applicable, perhaps put on the bottom, “And we sincerely mean these words”. It will probably make them read it again, and think, “That’s nice of Tom, Dick, whoever”, or accept the words and add a little extra, such as “I will always remember Harry, he was so full of sunshine, I’m sure that you must have wonderful memories of such a sunny person”. Pick on something that is good about them, but you have to be careful here too. There are people who are quite glad to be free of their partner. It’s a very difficult time.

It may even pay you when you have some spare time, question mark… when you do, to write down a few thoughts or ideas that you can either verbally use, or put on paper, so that there isn’t this tenseness when you suddenly read, or you get a phone call saying that so and so has died.  You think, “What on earth can I say, what would mean something to them?” and if you have already thought out a number of pleasant things that can be said about people, one may be applicable to this one. It’s a very difficult time for people, particularly those close to the deceased and if you are in the position where you feel it emotionally yourselves, it makes it even harder for you, but it is important that you think along these lines.

If it is a baby who has died, that is very difficult, and it is only by perhaps knowing the parents that you will be able to say the correct words.

We overheard on one occasion a family who had two or three children, and so many people said, “It was God’s will”, but the outstanding one there was, “Oh you have other children”, as though that one that died, didn’t matter.

Be careful what you say. It is an important time for these people. Think on it my friends, because unfortunately for you and for everyone else who has a physical body, death does happen.

Are there any questions?

 After death you are drawn to those you care for most.

Sitter (J): Ling I’ve just thought of something… I’ve often wondered about what happens, when one man or one lady has had two or three partners. What happens when they all get to the spirit world?  Do they all live together happily or what do they do?

Spirit: They are probably quite compatible. There is no marriage. The person who we’ll say is a lady who has had three husbands, it is very possible that she didn’t care very much for any of them… (Mirth)

Sitter: I guess that’s quite possible. (Mirth).

Spirit: There may be someone else, quite different that you didn’t know about who means a lot more. You are drawn to those you care for most. So if it is a husband and wife, or a brother and sister that have really cared for each other, they will be together. If it is three husbands, those three men could be good friends and perhaps not like the wife (Laughter), but there will be harmony, be assured of that.

Sitter: Thank you Ling.

Eternal progress is open to every soul!

 (A sitter’s question… In the Seventh Principle it says that ‘Eternal progress is open to every human soul’.  What about other forms of life, is there no progress for them, for if we look at dogs we can see that some are more advanced than others?” It seems strange that other forms of life are not mentioned. Would you comment please?

Spirit: A good question.

I don’t know but I think it has probably been worded to satisfy the church, because every animal has a spirit, a soul, climbing a path too, in its own world. And if you know your bible at all, (or perhaps not so much the bible, but the teachings of the Nazarene, and unfortunately I cannot remember the exact words), but when he had some little birds around him he made a statement something like this, “What you do to these young friends, you do unto me”. In other words, he, like the rest of us who have some knowledge, acknowledge the spirit of all living things – all spirit.

Does that help you at all?

Sitter: I wonder whether the spirits of other than humans, do eventually become human, or do they never make that change?

Spirit: I would like to think perhaps they do, but who is to say that we humans are the highest spiritual body, your soul?  It is something beyond my understanding, and of those in my particular strata shall we say. It is knowledge that we have yet got to get. But understand, that all life has progress. What its ultimate is, I don’t know.

Well that is all for tonight my friends.

Goodnight, and blessings on you in the coming week.

Sitter: Thank you all again, for coming to us.

Goodnight.